Shadow Work

Shadow Work Development

What is our shadow? Our shadow is parts of ourselves that we have tried to push away from ourselves, our emotions and our thoughts. As we journey through different chapters of our lives, we experience pains, setbacks, traumas and heartbreaks.

These experiences are part of life- sometimes those experiences are deeply disturbing and troubling- and sometimes they might start as a small pain, that grows and grows unchecked and begins to effect us on a soul level. Both of these events can have a long lasting impact on our spiritual self, and can make it hard to truly find balance and peace in our souls.

Through the last year of offering spiritual guidance to others, dealing with my own shadow and making deeper self discoveries of my own, I have put together a list of questions that we can ask ourselves, journal about and work to bring our shadow in closer to ourselves.

Not pushing our shadow away, but instead welcoming it into ourselves, acknowledging the shadows presents and the events that happened to us to create this shadow, but also releasing shame, guilt and various other emotions associated with this portion of ourselves.

As we journey through this process- remember it is okay to feel pain when we work through these emotions. Allow your emotions to flow freely, grieve and move forward with yourself- as one whole being.

Shadow Work Questions:

1 How often do you feel judged on a daily, weekly or monthly basis? How much of this judgement is real, and how much is imagined by your own insecurities?

2. What areas of your life are your favorite right now? What fears do you have in those area’s of your life and why.

3. Write about the last time you tried to manipulate a situation to your advantage and examine how you feel about that in hindsight.

4. In what area’s of your life do you feel competition is healthy?  What scenarios do you feel that competition could be toxic and hurtful to yourself or others? How does this competition make you feel? Do you feel threatened, unworthy, superior or neutral?

5. When your emotions are disregarded, or you feel as though your emotions don’t matter- how do you feel? Be as descriptive as possible and focus on your own life experiences and emotions.

6.What areas in your life are you feeling frustrated, annoyed, hurt or betrayed. Try creating something from these feelings. Poetry, journaling, painting or crafting are all great outlets in this situation.

7. When the last time you tried to avoid your responsibilities, what happened? Ask yourself why you did that, and why your actions caused those results.

8. How can you create your own tribe, and give people more space and allow others to be themselves around you?

9. What area’s of your life do you expect others to adopt your beliefs and lifestyle?  Further more, why do you want people to have the same beliefs as you, and why do you find fear and worry when they don’t?

10. What does the term ‘superiority complex’ bring to mind for you and why?

11. If you could say one thing to the person who’s hurt you the most right now, what would it be and why?

12. Write a letter to yourself, when you are being the worse version of yourself. In this letter, fill it with love, kindness and compassion; to remind yourself how amazing you are, and what you are capable of. When you are feeling down, read this letter back to yourself.

13. What does the word ‘punishment’ make you think of right now and why?

14. Think back over the last year. How have people around you expressed their anger, hurt and resentment to you, and how did you process this. What traits or similarities do you notice about how different people express themselves with this emotions?

15. Taking into consideration of everyone around you, including yourself, when was the last time you saw self destructive behavior?  Pick one situation and describe it, as well as the thoughts and emotions you had at this time.

16. In the past six months, what was the last time you wanted to say something cruel to someone? No matter if it is passive aggressive, mean or coming from a “good place”, if you knew this was going to hurt someone, ask yourself why you said it or wanted to say it. Write this down and explore your feelings and emotions about this.

17. Where in your life do you feel like you are all alone, isolated and deserted from others? How are you dealing with these emotions surrounding this feeling of abandonment?

18. What is one thing you keep avoiding? Something that you know you need to do, but you keep dancing around the subject. Write it down, and then make a to do list on how to make this happen. At the end of this- explore how you feel.

19. Write about the biggest experience of loss for you so far this year.

20. What does it feel like to you to be discouraged by someone else’s words, actions and projections onto you?

21. Which emotion is the hardest emotion for you to embrace, and why? Do you tend to deal with this in destructive ways? How do you deal with this emotion? Think about how your situations and life might be different if you handled this emotion in a better way- then journal about this.

22. Ask yourself if you struggle with determining if someone is being intentionally mean, or if they are just thoughtless in their actions, and then ask yourself why.

23. When you see other people in their own lives, what do you envy about them? Why do you feel this way? What emotions come up in this process?

24. When you think of constructive criticism, what do you think of? Are you accepting of others who might criticize you, or do you push them away, even if their criticism could bring you abundance and happiness?

25. What do the words “My insecurity is my teacher” mean to you? Write as much as you’d like with responses to this sentence. Don’t stress about what comes to mind, just let it flow. Fill up as many pages as you’d like with your response to this question.

Victoria Dellapaolera
Victoria Dellapaolera

Victoria is a Christian minister practicing spiritual healing and development in Williston, North Dakota. Victoria has worked with horses her entire life, and has learned many of her healing techniques from the horses.

She graduated from West Virginia University in 2020 Magna Cum Laude with a bachelors degree in Human Services and Sports and Exercise Psychology; gaining her associates degree in Farm and Ranch Management and Equitation from Dawson Community College in Glendive, Montana in 2012.

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