Validation from others.
So, I just went through a break up. It sucks. The piece that has been the hardest for me is the loss of companionship. This relationship probably should have ended before it did, but I was afraid to lose the companionship. Now that I am a few weeks out from the actual parting of ways, I am reflecting on why losing that companionship is so scary. It is a safety net of someone who is supposed to care for you and make you feel important. That is what a relationship should be, right?
Today I had the urge to text someone. Do I need to tell anyone anything? No. So why do I want to text someone? Because I want the validation of a response. It fuels me. Seeing those notifications on my phone proves to me that someone cares about me and has taken the time out of their day to send me a message. While that is a wonderful feeling, I am working on self-love.
Self-love is hard. It makes you take a look at who you truly are. Spiritually, physically, and mentally. It is easy to get wrapped up in wanting to be perfect before we allow ourselves to have self-love. I just need to fix this flaw. I need to be more intuitive. I need to lose weight. I need to not be so judgmental in my thinking. I need to find and tame a purple unicorn before I will love myself. But the thing is, we will never be perfect. What is within our control is whether we see ourselves in a positive or a negative light.
So how do we attain self-love? It is tricky, and different for everyone. There is no one size fits all process and often it is messy and the process sucks. So, I will share with you what I have learned so far.
If you’re not happy with something about yourself, start the work to change it. If it is your body image, what is within your control to change? If it is something that isn’t, how do you work through the reasons you dislike that particular feature in order to at least accept, but hopefully ultimately love it? Personally, I have always struggled with my weight. In order to help myself, I work to eat a more balanced diet (some days are better than others.) I have also done boudoir photo shoots in the past. I look at the images and realize that I am beautiful. Find a way to love the body you are in.
I am finding the farther I go down my spiritual road, the more my thought processes are changing and aligning with my spirituality. I have done a lot of meditation and I have started to work with crystals to support me in my journey. That is what I feel drawn to. My advice, pay attention to what is pulling you and start putting in your energy there. The universe knows what we need, we just need to listen. And that path will bring you closer to your higher self, which will nurture and encourage self-love.
Some days will be better than others. The important thing is that we show up every day for yourself. It is easy to get wrapped up in meeting the needs of others and seeking validation from those around us, whether it be friends, family, coworkers, or romantic relationships. Relationships are important, but they should not be the gauge of your self-worth and love. You are worthy of love. This life is a journey, not a destination. Love yourself on the journey and you will find that the destination you had in mind isn’t where you are supposed to be at all.