Society has been corrupt since the dawning of man. People have to want to find goodness from within before anything else will ever be found. No rule of God nor man can force a person to be authentically good, goodness and virtue must be intrinsically motivated to be authentic and true. So often this can be the most difficult task associated with life, which is why so many of us struggle with this concept. Many spend countless years trying to fill an emptiness, trying to fulfill some aspect of themselves while never desiring to really address our own corruptions within.
Meanwhile, that empty inside is no longer empty, as something else has taken up root in this space. A shadow that has gone eternity unchecked, finally given the opportunity to consume and possess. We begin behaving in ways that don’t align with our highest intentions. We spew hate, breed it, we spend so much time with it that we confuse hate with passion. Like tares in a wheat field, the hate spreads, hiding among us.
I received my first death threat in 2020, a threat that came because of my Christian faith. Growing up in a Christian nation, this wasn't a threat I'd ever expected; which also exposed me to a deeper understanding of what many experience around the world, of all faiths and religions.
Although this experience wasn't enjoyable, it was necessary. It showed me exactly where I needed to grow in my faith, but also exposed some toxic friendships that were growing to be painful. As I look back on this experience today, so much for what I know is currently happening in the spiritual realms was confirmed with what I felt during this experience. What hate is spreading, how the hearts of many are growing colder and colder, and the blasphemy’s will grow more and more obvious. Just as when tares come to seed, they are easily plucked from the wheat. But until they go to seed. They are impossible to remove as you don't know who is who. But in the time we are in now, it is now impossible to hide the true energy on the inside, from the outside.
We all fall short, myself included. I allow people to see my most vulnerable and intimate aspects, and get furious when they piss on it. It's not the dogs fault they lifted their leg in the house, it's your fault for not expressing the boundary of "you can't pee in the house, I don't care where you pee, but it's not going to be in my house". It's not the perfection that we desire, but rather the ability to see our reflections through a lens of truth, honesty, and integrity.
Sometimes we just have to hit rock bottom before we can make efforts to change. Before we can see that “whoa, This isn’t what I thought I planted”. We reap what we sow, and if we are sowing poison, then that is what we shall receive in return. What I saw in this woman was pure darkness. Pure evil on such a level I didn’t think was possible. I saw evil taunting me, attempting to get through to me and address the cross I carry. My wrath. This has been my biggest challenge through this journey is addressing my wrath. I have spent countless hours working through this, and I have finally felt at peace with the burden I carry.
But this work was untested. I hadn’t been challenged by the darkness to see if I had worked through this wrath or not. Last July, I had a similar experience where a man messaged me a hateful message out of his own discomfort. The hours leading up to the situation were dark to say the least, and I failed miserably in maintaining centeredness and peace from within. I saw red, and the moment that happened, my armor fell drastically and loudly to the ground. Vulnerable to attack, the spiritual war came to my front door, and I foolishly accepted the challenge.
From that moment, I know I learned vital information necessary for the war that is to come. I began to see demons in peoples faces. I began to see exactly who was actually in the drivers seat with people. We’ve planted tares for so long, we don’t even know what the real wheat is anymore. Generations upon generations of hate, violence, and ignorance have created an infestation of tares.
In every platform, in almost all family lines, there lies the poison, spreading like the noxious weed it is and consuming every piece of earth it can. But with this misstep, I came back stronger. I cast out these attachments. I dealt with these shadows. I addressed and healed, transmuted the hate, healed the trauma, broke the generational cycles and curses. I cast out the demons that had taken up space within me. The Creator was preparing me for what was to come. He allowed this to happen, I needed to be tested.
When confronted with hate, what do we do? How do you process someone telling you they hope you die? You don’t. It’s not about you. It’s not about you personally, it’s not about your beliefs or your body. It’s about who you follow. Who you connect to for guidance and healing. It’s about who you call the Creator.
We will all fall short, we will all make mistakes and handle situations in less than ideal situations. It isn't the opinion of others spectating the events that matters, but rather the integrity of your relationship with God, and the work put forth to not only change, but to forgive yourself for violating your own boundaries and allowing these triggers to even become triggers in the first place. To forgive the people who hurt you, the people who might be the ones sending death threats through Facebook messenger, cyber bullies and hateful souls alike- because we have all felt that darkness that surrounds us when we are the frequency of hate.
We all have been in that low point, and to hold judgement against someone for a place I too have been and overcame is hypocritical and mean. I don't hold judgement, instead I hold peace. I pray she finds the healing she needs, but that doesn't mean I am not going to enforce a boundary and not use my voice. That isn't love, that is enabling. Sometimes love isn't gushy and cute; sometimes it is knock out drag outs, interventions and tower moments.
This isn’t about me, it’s not personal. It’s about the abuses that are happening in the church; hiding behind the name of God. It’s about the manipulation and corruption; the abuses in the family and home. It’s about succumbing to the darkness. It’s about duality, divisiveness, and deception. Nobody wins in a dualistic battle, there is no right or wrong. There is only God.