Healing from Betrayal

Know the power that is Peace. I'm not going to lie, I've had a lot of shitty people walk into my life. I've surrounded myself with folks who weren't the best people, and I've been burned. I don't believe it is necessary to air my dirty laundry here on the blog- that isn't what today's post is about.

But I do think it's important to talk about the aftermath of someone who betrays us. Because it is bound to happen. A close friend is going to betray you, a spouse is going to hurt you or you are going to have a coworker back stab you. It's just part of life- we experience bad times.

But what isn't a part of life, is the shadow that follows these bad events. We can't stop the bad things from happening to us, but we can control how we let them affect us and how we react to them.  We hear about forgiveness all the time- about how we need to forgive others their trespasses against us.. But we aren't really told WHY. I mean, you might hear "so you can live in peace" or some variation of the fact, but we still aren't told WHY.

Forgiveness and Betrayal

Because I can say, that there are folks who full on hold a grudge and seem to be in pretty good peace in their life. So WHY do we have to forgive again? Because no matter what a person looks like on the outside, inside there is a battle being waged. It's not a battle of good or evil, it is more a battle of our emotions from past events wanting to boil up to the surface again. It's having to constantly restrain ourselves from our true emotions from coming up to that surface and hurting those around us.

World peace starts with us..

But we don't want to admit that do we? We never want to take ownership for our part of the crime, because "If they weren't such bigots I wouldn't had done that" To which I respond "Hate can not drive out hate… Only love can do that" MLK Until we are at peace with ourselves, our shadows and our past issues, we will never be at peace. You will never be able to truly love yourself and find that inner peace that everyone raves about.

This isn't a hipster trend, it isn't a get rich quick scheme or a fad, this is the root of every religion. This is what every prophet wanted for every soul- for every soul to be at peace. Shoot- we even put Rest In Peace on our headstones! So how do we achieve this peace? Do you feel as though you need to apologize to a person for the wrong doings you did to them? Or do you feel as though someone owes you an apology, and you are holding on to what they have done to you until you get that apology? (News flash- you probably won't get it)

How do we achieve this peace? It's quite simple really… You forgive those who trespass against you. You forgive these people in your heart, so you can let go of the pain, trauma and hurt you are feeling and make room for the love and peace you deserve- and sometimes that forgiveness needs to be to ourselves. Forgiving yourself for the choice you have made.

Why to Forgive Yourself

Forgiving yourself for being "stupid" and letting that girl back into your life (Three times mind you). Forgiving yourself for not standing up for yourself to your abusive partner or forgiving yourself for how you have treated your family over the years (Doesn't hurt to throw an actual I'm sorry out there as well to those you have hurt)

But it's also forgiving those who have really hurt you, without saying a word to them. They don't need to justification of knowing that they can just walk back into your life, because you forgave them. Forgiveness isn't a get out of jail free card, it just means that you are no longer allowing their actions to effect your soul any longer. That you have since released the emotions that were triggered by their actions, and you have readied yourself for the next part of your life

Imagine all these shadows latched onto you, all the people who have done you wrong, the situations you are holding yourself accountable for and the people you have done wrong to- imagine them latched onto you and weighing you down. Slowly but surely covering you with an ink black smoke that you can't escape from.  Now imagine yourself extinguishing the fire that is fueling these emotions. Some of the fires might be hard to put out, and it might take you a while of dealing with it before you can extinguish it- but with each person you forgive, each situation you let go of and move forward from you are removing a bit of that smoke, a bit of that grime from yourself and your soul.

Releasing this ink black smoke into the air around you for the last time and it dissipating into nothingness- leaving behind a crystal clear perspective allowing you to see clearly and without judgement. Once you do this, just like as if you were extinguishing a fire in the prairie, there will be some damage caused, but with a little bit of time and some TLC, the charred remains will blossom into something beautiful. Peace is powerful, because in this peace is when we see everything clearly. It is when we can love without judgement, it is when we can truly understand this world and the part we play in it. When we are at peace, everything becomes easier and easier to handle.

Ask yourself what parts of your life are you holding onto, and what fires you have burning…

Victoria Dellapaolera
Victoria Dellapaolera

Victoria is a Christian minister practicing spiritual healing and development in Williston, North Dakota. Victoria has worked with horses her entire life, and has learned many of her healing techniques from the horses.

She graduated from West Virginia University in 2020 Magna Cum Laude with a bachelors degree in Human Services and Sports and Exercise Psychology; gaining her associates degree in Farm and Ranch Management and Equitation from Dawson Community College in Glendive, Montana in 2012.

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