From the broken heart flows the truest love.

Looking back over the last decade of my life, I can’t help but feel immense joy in all that I have overcome, and yet simultaneously feel immense sorrow in all the pain I felt over the last ten years.

Through this perspective, I begin to truly see why I had surrounded myself with such crummy people, and why that was my reality for such a long period of time.

I don’t have any of the same friends I had ten years ago, not even one. Through the entire shuffles of life, we have all drifted away, focusing on our own inner conflicts and struggles, just trying to make a life for ourselves in this hard and shallow world.

I think back on all the fall outs, all the heartbreaks, all the bad endings and toxic encounters and I know I have had my fair share of responsibility within those experiences. But I also know that without those experiences, I wouldn’t had learned what I had to learn, I wouldn’t had seen the lessons I needed to see or the cycles I needed to break.

It was through all of these past interactions where I truly found myself, and not in the beautiful sunshine and rainbows way you might expect. But rather in a very unflattering light!! I was undeveloped, I was using my gifts in self destructive ways; and I was being taken advantage of because of those very same gifts.

I look back upon all of my interactions and my first thought is filled with shame. Shame that I allowed others to treat me the ways they did. Shame that I didn’t stand up for the real me, that I didn’t turn down certain clients, that I didn’t tell people off when needed and didn’t set boundaries when needed. Shame might not be the right word, as disappointment does come into mind as I write this.

Regardless of which word used to describe the energy, all of these past interactions brought me to where I am today. They taught me that I had to get over people stealing from me, that people were going to steal my writings; sometimes those people were wolves disguised in sheep’s clothing. I learned that some friends are consumed with lust, like snakes hiding in the rocks. Before I knew it, I was living in a snake den, with baby rattlesnakes filling my home!!

Through all of the interactions I’ve seen, the biggest shift I’ve experienced is when I stopped viewing these transgressions as such, and instead started seeing the true sickness behind the actions. Mine, as well as theirs.

When we work to see all of our intersections with this perspective, we are better able to forgive those who do us wrong. My husband and I were joking the other day about how both of us have been really burnt by people in our lives, and yet we always seem to come out ahead.

As I fell asleep one night, I couldn’t help but think of a friend I lost in this last few years who will never apologize, who to this day will talk ill of me and scream I’m a fraud to the end of days. This pains me in a way that I can never find the right words for, and as that thought crept into my mind; my immediate reaction was to love her anyways. To cheer for her, to pray for her, to forgive her.

Because no matter what, I will always be the bad guy in her story. She will never see me as anything other than that, and I refuse to participate in that energy exchange. I surrender, she wins. I submit to her narrative. Why? Because my story is not written by her narrative. My soul knows what has happened, and what lessons I have learned from all of my interactions, not just hers.

When we participate in the dramatic games, we do nothing more than feed our demons tasty treats. We encourage our nasty behavior and hurtful actions by justifying them due to the behaviors of others, instead of turning within ourselves to understand why we feel a way we do, and what we are going to do about it!!

When others have disturbed your peace, pause and look within yourself. Ask yourself why you respond the way you do, and why you  feel the way you do. The key to enlightenment is found through self discovery, and you will never find yourself pointing fingers at someone else.

Victoria Dellapaolera
Victoria Dellapaolera

Victoria is a Christian minister practicing spiritual healing and development in Williston, North Dakota. Victoria has worked with horses her entire life, and has learned many of her healing techniques from the horses.

She graduated from West Virginia University in 2020 Magna Cum Laude with a bachelors degree in Human Services and Sports and Exercise Psychology; gaining her associates degree in Farm and Ranch Management and Equitation from Dawson Community College in Glendive, Montana in 2012.

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